Are you kidding me?

When I am out and about with the twins I get asked the most ridiculous questions. I thought it would be fun to share some of them...
1) Oh my God... are they twins?
-- my response (with my inside my head voice)
- No... the hospital had a buy one get one sale.
- No... One is my husbands, one is mine.
- One is a twin, and one isn't.

2) Are they identical?
-- my response (out loud)
- No... The moose is about 5lbs heaver.
Person asks "Are you sure?"
-- my response
- Ummm... Yea... They really don't look alike...

3) Are they paternal?
-- my response
- Yes they have a father.

4) Do twins run in your family?
-- my response (with my inside my voice)
- I'm sure they will once they get up and going. Right now they just roll around a bit. (Nobody gets this by the way.)

5) How do you tell them apart?
-- my response
- Well The Moose is heavier, bigger, and they don't look alike.

6) Did you have them naturally?
-- my response (with my inside voice)
- No I sat on a egg and hatched them.
(with my outside voice)
- Yes. I had a great epidural.

7) Wow... I don't know how you ever manage to leave the house with both of them.
-- my response
- I would leave them home alone but people tend to frown.
or
- I would leave one at home alone but apparently that is illegal.

8) We walked into a restaurant carrying them in the car seat carriers... the host asked us if they needed kids menus.
-- The daddy's response
- Only if you have formula on the menu.